Resident Evil 4 Afterlife 3D the musical review
Instead of doing this full review on all of the movie’s different aspects, I’m just going to come out and speak my mind. I feel like whatever I write here is going to be public knowledge anyway, even if you haven’t seen the movie or seen any review of it. It’s kind of like a self-furfilling prophecy that when a new Resident Evil is announced, it’s going to suck.
Oh and, Spoilers.
We all had high hopes for the original movie, but those quickly died off when the final credits rolled. The movie was good for an adaptation, but lacking in many departments. Apocalypse, it’s sequel, perfected the formula for the movies series by detaching it from the games with only references and characters to keep it Resident Evil. It was an action fest, nothing more. The third movie wasn’t as big a leap forward as Apocalypse, but it did the job. It was a Mad Max clone, sure, but a good one.
But there’s nothing saving Afterlife from the crappy pile. Funny story, I was watching this movie with my mother and halfway through the opening scene I looked at her and said: “The Alice clones are gonna die and she loses her powers” TWO MINUTES LATERZ. Honestly, they went through all that trouble to set up the most awesome thing in the RE movie series ever, and they blow it. Literally. So then, after a very human Alice miraculously survived a plane crash, we come across yet ANOTHER story of how a group of survivors hide out in a fortified position. And they’re all magnificent douche bags. Except for two of them that are somewhat okay. But knowing the Resident Evil movies, not one of them will survive. They might aswell have been wearing red shirts, for fucks sake. Like clockwork they start dying, one at a time.
By Las Plagas zombies. I shit you not. They made Las Plagas zombies. Not just Las Plagas, but Las Plagas zombies. I called foul every time I saw those fuckers. And there was even a Las Plagas boss that could in no way be a braindead zombie like the rest of em. Maybe he was made similarly to Nemesis, I don’t know, but come on. That’s a Las Plagas and they know it.
And another thing, if these Las Plagas zombies can fucking swim, they why aren’t they on that boat? And another thing, if Chris Redfield is being played by Michael Scofield, then why the fuck isn’t he able to escape? AND ANOTHER THING, why is almost every new survivor a stereotype? There’s the scaredy cat, the useful and strong woman, the jock, the slease traitor … DJEEZ!
What’s up with those ridiculously bad effects? It looked like it was done by Uwe Boll if you gave him enough cash. Fuck that noise. And the slow-motion. Good god, the slow motion. This is a sixty minute movie spread over 90 minutes because of that fucking slow-motion. You know what I’m talking about. The slow-motion that is designed to emphesize the effects being spewed out on screen. Like an impact or a scene in a watery area. Only stretched over 3 minutes of real footage making it 9 minutes long.
Oh and we finally get Chris versus Whesker and it’s over in no time at all so that Alice can finish the fight. Oh and Whesker knows the Redfields … apparently.
What the fuck was up with that shitty ending as well? Why is the inside of the boat ten times larger than the boat? Why did Whesker escape on the one chopper of the many where Alice hid the explosive beforehand? Why is Whesker invulnerable and why do they think that an explosion would have killed him when it’s obvious he’s just gonna survive? Why the fuck did Jill Valentine make an appearance in the end? Wasn’t she like, written out of the movies or something …
This movie sucks, avoid it.
3/10
Oh and, Spoilers.
We all had high hopes for the original movie, but those quickly died off when the final credits rolled. The movie was good for an adaptation, but lacking in many departments. Apocalypse, it’s sequel, perfected the formula for the movies series by detaching it from the games with only references and characters to keep it Resident Evil. It was an action fest, nothing more. The third movie wasn’t as big a leap forward as Apocalypse, but it did the job. It was a Mad Max clone, sure, but a good one.
But there’s nothing saving Afterlife from the crappy pile. Funny story, I was watching this movie with my mother and halfway through the opening scene I looked at her and said: “The Alice clones are gonna die and she loses her powers” TWO MINUTES LATERZ. Honestly, they went through all that trouble to set up the most awesome thing in the RE movie series ever, and they blow it. Literally. So then, after a very human Alice miraculously survived a plane crash, we come across yet ANOTHER story of how a group of survivors hide out in a fortified position. And they’re all magnificent douche bags. Except for two of them that are somewhat okay. But knowing the Resident Evil movies, not one of them will survive. They might aswell have been wearing red shirts, for fucks sake. Like clockwork they start dying, one at a time.
By Las Plagas zombies. I shit you not. They made Las Plagas zombies. Not just Las Plagas, but Las Plagas zombies. I called foul every time I saw those fuckers. And there was even a Las Plagas boss that could in no way be a braindead zombie like the rest of em. Maybe he was made similarly to Nemesis, I don’t know, but come on. That’s a Las Plagas and they know it.
And another thing, if these Las Plagas zombies can fucking swim, they why aren’t they on that boat? And another thing, if Chris Redfield is being played by Michael Scofield, then why the fuck isn’t he able to escape? AND ANOTHER THING, why is almost every new survivor a stereotype? There’s the scaredy cat, the useful and strong woman, the jock, the slease traitor … DJEEZ!
What’s up with those ridiculously bad effects? It looked like it was done by Uwe Boll if you gave him enough cash. Fuck that noise. And the slow-motion. Good god, the slow motion. This is a sixty minute movie spread over 90 minutes because of that fucking slow-motion. You know what I’m talking about. The slow-motion that is designed to emphesize the effects being spewed out on screen. Like an impact or a scene in a watery area. Only stretched over 3 minutes of real footage making it 9 minutes long.
Oh and we finally get Chris versus Whesker and it’s over in no time at all so that Alice can finish the fight. Oh and Whesker knows the Redfields … apparently.
What the fuck was up with that shitty ending as well? Why is the inside of the boat ten times larger than the boat? Why did Whesker escape on the one chopper of the many where Alice hid the explosive beforehand? Why is Whesker invulnerable and why do they think that an explosion would have killed him when it’s obvious he’s just gonna survive? Why the fuck did Jill Valentine make an appearance in the end? Wasn’t she like, written out of the movies or something …
This movie sucks, avoid it.
3/10
No comments:
Post a Comment